You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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