I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
