I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
