Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
