i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
