Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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