I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
