Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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