He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
