to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
