hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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