I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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