Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
