This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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