hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
and you fell through a lawn chair
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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