I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
