the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize