i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
