i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
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I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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