Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
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Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
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People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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