You're completely useless in the revolution.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize