i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
