I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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