I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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