you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
