He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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