I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
