I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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