My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
