I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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