So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
