So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
