I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
