More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
