I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
