trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
