I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
