so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We need to get me chipped asap
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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