I got chris browned last night
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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