dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
