I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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