So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
