Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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