I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
