Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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