I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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