Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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