he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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