I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
