Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
