Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
