plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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