OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
