i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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