are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
