We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
