One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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