Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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