Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
