we made out on top of his cat.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
