I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
