Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
