I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
