Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
