I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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