Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
